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Thursday, June 30, 2005

From the Cradle to the Grave

I finally finished my dorky Murder City Devils fansite (click above)! That shit killed more time at work than this blog. Me thinks it's a pretty decent site too. There's really nothing on the web for this awesome band, so I decided to change that. Below is an even dorkier "press release" my loyal comrade Count Dooku Le Shok wrote....

New Murder City Devils Website

The Murder City Devils may be long gone, but definitely not forgotten. With the recent release of their DVD, “The End”, it’s apparent that the Devils spirit is still very much alive in the hearts of countless fans. Adding to the nostalgia is MurderCityDevils.net, a brand new fansite dedicated to Seattle's "most notorious band". According to site creator, D. Dagger, this was long overdue.

"I couldn't believe that there wasn't already websites dedicated to the Murder City Devils. They put on incredible live shows, released great records, and just outright personified rock n' roll swagger. I don’t have a fucking clue why there isn’t more out there for the band,” said Dagger.

Unlike many fansites that come and go, MurderCityDevils.net will be around for the foreseeable future.

As Dagger put it, “Basically the site will be up and running as long as I’m up and running. It will always strive to be the premiere MCD resource on the web”.

-Count Le Shok


Thursday, June 23, 2005

He Attackes My Vagina Looking for the Rent. Like Death from Above in a Chocolate Factory or a Dude with a Bionic Arm Telling a Tasteless Joke.

Video Camera: $500
Stitches from dogbite: $60
Ticket for your dog biting someone: $200
Getting a retarded foreign lady to tell the camera how her dog bites her vagina and her other dogs penis: Priceless

There are some things money can’t buy, for everything else there’s retarded foreign women.

“A group of young New Yorkers must deal with such harsh urban realities as AIDS, homelessness and paying the rent”…uh, yeah whateva…I think watching RENT would be way worse than getting AIDS or being homeless. Pure torture.

Death from Above, (above), are awesome. They played LA a couple times and I just happened to miss every fucking show. Actually, I haven’t been to a show in over a year. I guess I’ve been too busy paying the RENT. So here’s a Making of the Video type of thing. It’s pretty funny, like an indie rock version of Spinal Tap.

I hope Charlie and the Chocolate Factory doesn’t suck. I loved the original and I think only Johnny Depp and Tim Burton can do it justice. I’ll be seeing it on the IMAX, you can see a preview here.

There will be so much cool shit before I die. Just think, if they are already doing shit like this, who knows what kind of Blade Runner sci-fi world there will be in 2040?? Sadly though we’ll most likely all be dead.

Have any of you heard about this movie The Aristocrats? It’s a documentary about a shitload of comedians telling the same dirty ass joke. Each joke has the same beginning and end, but every comic puts their own spin on the middle. It sounds hilarious and was a big hit at this years Sundance. Here’s Matt Stone and Trey Parker’s South Park version of the joke….fucking beautiful.

Wednesday, June 22, 2005

Hippy Johnny is stoned, but I’m straight!

So I’ve had a theory for awhile now that Jonathan Richman wrote the first straight edge song, at least unintentionally. Now this contradicts the accepted belief that Ian Mackaye and Minor Threat wrote the first straight edge song in the early 80’s. Well Jonathan Richman and his band the Modern Lovers pre-dates Minor Threat by like 8 or 9 years.

Their debut LP was recorded in 1973 and had a great song called “I’m Straight” (well the whole fucking album is great). The song basically talks about how Jonathan wanted some chick who went out with “hippy Johnny”, but poor Jonathan didn’t do drugs. It’s pretty funny and an incredibly weird thing to sing about during that time period. The song even has the first straight edge sing-a-long chorus towards the end. So I declare that Jonathan Richman wrote the first straight edge song….but you know, who really gives a fuck. Just listen to this because it’s the Modern Lovers.

If you don’t own the first Modern Lovers record than go out and buy it right now. Jonathan Richman was heavily influenced by the Velvet Underground and John Cale even produced their album. Like I said, it was recorded in 1973, but wasn’t released until 1976. The Modern Lovers laid the blueprint for what we now know as “indie rock”. They were very influential and totally essential.

Modern Lovers- "I'm Straight"mp3

Wednesday, June 15, 2005

The King of Poop

Get a load of this.

It took a child molestation trial before Wacko Jacko realized that maybe sleeping with little boys isn’t a good idea. What a sick fuck. There’s no way he would’ve been acquitted if he were black…no fucking way. Damn cracker!

Thursday, June 09, 2005

Back in Black

Howdy motherfuckers! Been busy lately making a website for a hot ass actress named Juliette Clarke. She acquired the services of a certain D. Dagger. She wanted some "other" services too, but Mrs. Dagger wouldn't have been down with that shit.....I have also been working on a fansite for "Seattle's most notorious band", the Murder City Devils. This fucking band changed my life and I wanted to create a good resource for anyone wanting to know more about them. It can be found at murdercitydevils.net and I'll let you know when it's done. Boom Swagger Boom bitch!

Did anyone get the new Joyce record yet? Let me just say, "woah!" (Joey Lawrence said it better). Joyce is a fucking genius!! It's like The Beatles had a child with Thin Lizzy who grew up listening to Napalm Death and My Bloody Valentine.
I wish I was making this up...

Click Joyce...I dare you.

Friday, June 03, 2005

The Pain Was Enough to Make a Shy Bald Buddhist Reflect and Plan a Mass Murder

A lot has being going on here at the Dagger. I apologize to all 5 of you who regularly read this crap for the lack of posts. Not to get too emotional and teary, but my wife was diagnosed with melanoma. One of her moles on her stomach became cancerous from years of tanning. Here’s a picture of what melanoma looks like (it’s not a photo of hers, just some random one I found online)

Basically after a lot of stress, tears, frustration, and hope, it looks like she will be okay. The doctors said they caught it in time and she will have surgery very soon to remove that fucking cancer mole motherfucker. Everybody has been sending positive vibes and good wishes. Be it praying, doing magick, or lighting farts on fire…it’s all been working. I’ll keep y’all updated.

So I was gonna save this MP3 for a post on our upcoming anniversary, but after everything that has been going on I decided to post it here. This is a song by Brendan Benson called “The Pledge”. It’s one of the best love songs I’ve heard in a long time. The rest of his record is so-so, but this song is beautiful (like my wife). So baby, this is for you. Blah blah blah….

The Pledge mp3

Well, I'll be loyal to you in every way
There's nothing I wouldn't do or I wouldn't say
I hate to think where I'd be without you
Do you know how I feel about you?
Do you?
I didn't sign up for anything like this
I always wind up screwed without a kiss
And every single minute that goes by

I 'm getting deeper in it all the time
Oh nay, hey
Okay, hey
I wouldn't have it any other way

And I promise to always love you
And never put anybody else above you
Well I'm hopelessly dedicated
And somehow it's still understated
I'm sure I was born to love you
I'm so lucky, I really don't deserve you
It was my one and only ambition
I made it my life long mission
I never thought it could be as good as this
I finally found a new sense of purpose
And every single second that goes by
I think of yet another reason why
Oh nay, hey
Okay, hey
I don't want it any other way

I never signed up for anything like this
I always wind up screwed without a kiss
And every single minute that goes by
I'm getting deeper in it all the time
Oh nay, hey
Okay, hey
I wouldn't have it any other way
I don't want it any other way
I don't want it any other way

High on the Crime

So those cocksuckers at Epitaph have been lagging in releasing the new Turbonegro record, Party Animals. I may just have to buy the import and the cheapest I’ve seen it has been here. I saw on Amazon that the U.S. release date is in late July….yeah, fuck that shit. So what’s Epitaph so busy with that they can’t release the new Turbonegro? They’re busy releasing Punk-O-Rama 50 and some lame 1995 Warp Tour band....Weak!

Well here’s another song called “High on the Crime” off the new album. This is the video playing on MTV Europe right now. You can watch it
here. Me like it lots.