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Wednesday, March 09, 2005

Peek a Boo, Al Qaeda Sees You

Those bastards!! They can blow up our buildings and kill our soldiers, but trying to kidnap our Hollywood stars is going way too far. I was shocked and awed when I heard that those evil terrorists were going to kidnap our beloved Russell Crowe as part of their sick "cultural destabilization plot.” And what if they accomplished this?! What would become of 30 Odd Foot of Grunts? Would they disband or go on the mysterious “hiatus”. And what about Crowe’s incredible film legacy?? Will there ever be another Romper Stomper? So many questions, so many scenarios. What if Al Qaeda and his crew decide to target Julia Roberts or Tom Hanks? TOM HANKS?! I loved him in The Terminal opposite Cathrine Zeta Jones. I would rather die in a nuclear holocaust than to live another day without our precious movie stars. To hell with terrorism! Long live media induced complacency and governmental sedation!

2 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hahaha! That is fucking hilarious! Now if they would only target Ms. Paris Hilton! Maybe it was Al Queda that hacked her blackberry! Celebrity conspiracies are much better than plain old entertainment gossip! I'll be sure to watch Fox (Faux) news for the updates!!

March 09, 2005 1:03 PM  
Blogger Ray Bridges said...

I've got my own celebrity crisis going on up here in S.F. Judge's family gets killed. Judge gets killed. My judges all got nervous. (Did I ever tell you what I do for a living? I am a general flunky for the highest state court in California. Hint hint. Diana Ross had nothing on them. Ha Ha. The Supremes. This has to be in code, otherwise they'd know that a dope-smoking, ex-hippie, subversive, is in their very gut.

The first yeark, I went to work stoned every monrning because, well, that's how I start my day. The second year I was afraid not be be stoned, because they only knew me stoned. I needed to be consistent. So there I was, forced to smoke dope in order to be thought normal. Y'know, life is tough now and then.

Oops, sorry, the dope and alcohol have kicked in again, I'm out of here.

Cheers.

March 12, 2005 9:24 PM  

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