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Monday, March 07, 2005

Paris Hilton says "Coachella is HOT"


So Coachella is just around the corner and there are a few bands I wouldn’t mind seeing. Does this mean I’m gonna go? No fucking way mi amigo. I went the last 2 years and was fortunate enough to be in the VIP area. Now I know what you’re saying, “Only hipster cocksuckers go in the VIP area.” Call me what you want, but when everyone else was roasting in 103 degree temperatures and waiting in huge ass lines to piss and eat, I was under a shady tree sipping a free frosty alcoholic beverage and listening to some good music. But even in the pampered VIP area, Coachella was too unbearable. That sun, that hot ass motherfucking sun. And those tents, ahh those hot ass motherfucking sweaty tents. And the TRAFFIC, the long slower than shit motherfucking traffic....Yeah, fuck that noise.

Last year I heard Q and not U. I say heard because the tent was so packed that I was at the very back and the only thing I could do was hear that great D.C. band and smell stinky armpits. If I went on my tippy toes I saw glimpses of the band. It sucked because most of those chodes were there for Beck who was playing right after. So Coachella is no fun no matter who’s playing. The seeing good bands to being in the middle of the fucking desert ratio is way off. Plus you gotta add in the motel cost, gas, food, cigarettes….it’s just not worth it. I can’t believe people actually fly in for this shit. Go to Hawaii instead.

But just for shits and giggles, here’s who I would see if I was actually going.
Saturday, April 30th
Bauhaus
Cocteau Twins
Wilco
Snow Patrol
Sage Francis
Bloc Party
Mercury Rev
Fantomas
M83
MF Doom
Buck 65
The Chemical Brothers


Sunday, May 1st
Nine Inch Nails
New Order
Gang of Four
The Arcade Fire
Pinback
British Sea Power
The Fiery Furnaces
Autolux
The Futureheads
The Blood Brothers



Bands You Should Stay Away From at Coachella
Coldplay (the kings of bore rock)
Weezer (fucking break-up already. Pinkerton was good, but just end it kids)
Rilo Kiley (overrated)
Bright Eyes (I heard Conor is going to make all of Coachella fall asleep)
The Prodigy (the comeback everyone could care less about)
Thrice (Their tour manager tricked them into thinking it’s really the Warp Tour)
Stereophonics (this band is so awful it hurts. They’re huge in the UK though)
The Bravery (the newest from the “dance-punk” revival. Gang of Four is gonna school these pricks)
The Locust (hot, sweaty, and now 30 seconds of pure torture. The last band still playing power violence. Even Spazz thinks they’re lame.)

2 Comments:

Blogger Ray Bridges said...

I have no idea what you're talking about. The bands, I mean. I don't know anything about what's happening in music unless I stumble across it accidentally. However, I totally understand being a B-grade VIP in a situation where the tailgaiters seem to be having more fun.

March 08, 2005 7:26 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I love Coldplay and I don't mind the heat. They're worth it!

March 09, 2005 11:54 AM  

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