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Tuesday, March 01, 2005

Coffee with Meg and Iggy

I saw Coffee and Cigarettes the other day and what a fucking bore fest that was. The premise is having a bunch of schmoes talking about stupid shit at a café while drinking coffee and (you guessed it) smoking cigarettes. The first segment had Roberto Benigni and Steven Wright chit chatting. What a great way to start a movie! Let’s have one dude from Italy where you can’t understand a word he’s saying and some “comic” from NYC who’s as exciting as a nun in a whorehouse….So yeah, this flick lost me within the first 5 minutes. But there were some classic moments that weren’t supposed to be funny.


The first was the Jack and Meg White segment. I forgot what it was about because I was so fixated on Meg. I have always said the only thing that girl has going for her is her big knockers. Other than that she has always struck me as a drummer with slight retardation. But have you ever seen this chicks’ teeth?? Oh man, that shit is priceless. Once she opens her mouth she looks like a short bus kid from some east European shithole country…fucking horrific. And then there’s her acting. How shall I put this….okay, got it! The bitch can’t act. And furthermore, Jack is a total dork who fucked Renée Zellweger…ewee is right. I heard that chick did the sucky sucky to get to the toppy toppy.


And the other hilarious segment was the one with the great Iggy Pop and the okay Tom Waits (I’ve never been a huge fan of his, so whateva). Now I love Iggy, no, no, I LOVE IGGY. I mean this is the dude who set the blueprint for punk rock when he was with The Stooges. Iggy is a legend, but Iggy can’t act. I would say stick to music, but after that last record (where he had those chodes from Sum 41 do two songs with him) I’m gonna haveta go with RETIRE FROM ALL MEDIA. Iggy had a great run, but now it’s time to end it, or at least do another Stooges record.

As for Tom Waits, well Tom is a badass and I don’t wanna say anything mean. If he wasn’t a musician who smoked too much, he’d probably be a mechanic who smoked too much.

So the moral of this post is that retards and guys named Iggy can’t act, but they can make you laugh. And isn’t that why we all wake up in the morning?!

3 Comments:

Blogger Ray Bridges said...

Great review.

March 03, 2005 8:17 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

No, it sucked. Anybody who names themselves Dagger sounds like a holdover from a retarded 1983 Dungeons and Dragons club. Respect White Stripes, bitch.

July 21, 2005 9:49 AM  
Blogger Dagger said...

Boo hoo you little White Stripes lovin' bitch. Sorry I made fun of the most overrated band in the world. Anyone who defends the WS is probably some fat chick, 13 year old boy, or Juliette Lewis.

November 22, 2005 9:14 AM  

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